ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
