he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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