he shaved USA in his pubs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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