my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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