Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You left your phone here
Wait...
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