and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
