I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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