dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
