I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
