What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize