i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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