Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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