Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
