Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
