Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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