If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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