Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
