i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
