T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize