Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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