You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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