his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
