He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
