You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
