i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
