This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
