right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
