Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
