Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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