Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
