My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
