Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
