Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
