I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
