I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
