don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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