I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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