I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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