the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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