I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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