do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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