My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
