I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
