is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hippo gnu deer
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
