I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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