i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
