Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
