you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
