think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
