Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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