You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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