i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
