your thong is hanging out like whoa
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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