If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
