I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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