You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
