I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
