I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
