I bet he comes in French.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
