cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
