the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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