Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
