I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
