he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
