Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
whose parrot is this?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
