I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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