It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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