I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
