Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
