Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Farmville is her only friend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
