True but thats because hes a fetus.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
