Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
