Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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