we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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