I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
