did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
