My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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