Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
