I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
