I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want nice things and good sex
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
